Proximity Is Not Engagement!!

It was a post call morning. The kind of morning when I'd consider selling my soul, for a few more moments between my flannel sheets. Unfortunately, giving birth did not magically turn me into a person who only needs 4 hours of sleep. So, when I've been up a lot during the night the morning after starts slowly, and painfully.

The twins have gotten into the habit of coming into my bedroom if they rise before me. They lift the covers and crawl in. I don't mind their invasion, just as long as they let me rest a little longer. On this particular morning, both of my twinlets decided to join me. I rolled onto my back, pulled in my limbs and made plenty of room for them both, not turning to the right or the left so that they would have no reason to squawk about me giving more attention to the other. (Twins do that, frequently)

As I was just about to doze off again, Jonas announced, "mommy, you are not snuggling with me!" It occured to me then, and I've been thinking about it since, that proximity is not engagement. At least not according to my son. It didn't matter that I was sharing the covers, I was not sharing myself.

It is often easy for stay at home/home-schooling moms to fall into the trap of believing that because we are WITH our children, continuously, that somehow that translates into being present. When 3pm rolls around and I've, directed, cleaned up after, instructed, and waited on my children for what seems like an eternity, I often want to tune out, and retreat into a quiet place inside my own thoughts.

A better option, is to find scheduled time, that I can steal now and then, time when I can re-charge and replenish, my own soul. Creativity helps, when searching for those golden nuggets of opportunity. That time could be, taking a book to the park, and reading while they play, it could be, taking a bubble bath while they listen to stories, and fold laundry. It really depends on the day. Regardless of the shape, size, or appearance of those moments, taking them when I can, is vital.

Time for me to regroup, enables me to be the engaged parent that my children deserve. After all who wants a blow up doll mommy, who is there in shape and form, but not in spirit?

I want to do better at applying the following quote, and encourage others to as well.

"Wherever you are, be all there!"

~Jim Elliot